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What is Healing?

This question moves and provokes me, challenges and pushes me in various ways, taking on different forms and textures.



During my twenties, I spent a considerable amount of time in therapy, but I was unsure of what true healing meant. I sensed that something within me was wrong and broken. My life passed by, and I felt like I was not participating in it as I struggled to meet the expectations of how I thought I should feel. My only desire was to get rid of the pain I was experiencing, and I believed that I had only two options: erase the pain or erase myself.


The time in therapy, unfortunately, did not bring me significant relief or provide me with any tools to deal with the internal disorganization that I was feeling. Now I understand that partially the reason for this experience is that I did not comprehend what "healing" means and what it requires.


Unprocessed, unintegrated, and unaddressed experiences have left marks on my body, mind, and soul, impacting my sense of wholeness and quality of life. These unseen and unattended wounds affected my relationships, behavior patterns, and life decisions. 

Back then, I believed that healing was a distinct section in my life and that only after completing this section would I be able to live the life I truly desired. I thought that once I fixed my broken soul within, I could transition into a state of aliveness without pain and fully blossom. 


I attempted to "fix myself" by relying on a small amount of patience and using an immense amount of pressure. At times, I found it easier to feel like a victim of life rather than gather some willpower to recognize and face my shadows. 


Healing is a journey of self-discovery and requires active participation, which can feel like entering a cave, fraught with fear, mystery, apprehension, and reluctance. Joseph Campell's words, "The cave you fear holds the treasure you seek." remind me of how healing can unfold.

 



I learned that working on myself requires effort and willingness to enter a space that might feel uncomfortable and foreign and can provoke fearful sensations. Having a supportive companion while entering the cave is crucial. With the help of many individuals and various healing modalities, it becomes like a torch that illuminates the path through the shadows.  

I realized over time that the treasure I had been seeking was not on the surface and was not easily accessible and that some shadows might not be ready to be revealed by the light as I was afraid of them. Sometimes, being in a cave and looking for the treasure feels tiring and discouraging. However, during such moments, focusing on what is working can help overcome the low moments. Identifying and amplifying resources are essential tools that support overcoming the fear of change. By using my resources and working slowly through the uncomfortable feelings and the Unknown, I could reach the first gems of the treasure.


Healing is not a separate aspect but an integral part of life. Healing doesn't mean fixing what's broken. Instead, it supports remembering wholeness. The sense of wholeness is a human desire and is an embodied experience that might have faded away through the turbulences of life. 


Anyhow, healing shouldn't be a rigid process. Instead, it should involve flow and evolution. At times, I became too fixated on the healing concept, which hindered my progress. I needed to discover that healing has its plasticity and elasticity.  

Along the way, I learned that I can access sparks of aliveness and be present to the glimpses of hope without clinging on and constantly chasing the feeling of wholeness. 

 

It's okay for me to seek growth while also making mistakes, regretting, taking breaks, loving, connecting, dreaming, dancing, and laughing. As I grow, life unfolds. I want to savor all its flavors, and many healing gems emerge in the in-between spaces. 


Healing should enhance the taste of life, not make it more bitter. 


Healing is a journey of increasing my ability to deal with life's challenges by gradually transitioning into a state of safety and presence within my body. By doing so, I can find the strength to restore my sense of self-worth from within, reconnect with my true essence, and expand sensations of safety within myself and in connection. These steps might be slow and small, but they are meaningful improvements that flavor my life's quality with sweet nectar and build my resilience.  


Through healing, I have discovered treasures and find life more enjoyable as I hold a more profound presence in my relationship with myself and others. 


I can acknowledge my resilience and embrace the fact that my unique identity is not despite my scars and wounds but rather because of them.


As I continue discovering treasures by exploring caves with bizarre landscapes, I hold one valuable gem dear, the one that showed me I can find a home within myself.



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